I work with a great group of co-workers. And no, I'm not just saying this because I gave several of them my blog address on Friday (nudge, nudge). They will be the first to admit that we have a fantastic time picking on one another in a light-hearted, HR appropriate way...at least until we finally make it to Viaduct...then there's no telling.
But I digress...
My point:
We have some rather inventive ideas when we put our heads together (this really means when we're bored and bs'ing). Amongst the most recent of these ideas, S.P. (identities have been concealed to protect the innocent--if any of us were, in fact, innocent) plans on buying a house in the SEVENTH most dangerous neighborhood in Memphis. He would like P.R. and me to join him in this venture. His assumption is that by buying houses in this area, we can work from the inside out and improve the area. He also asserts that the neighborhood cannot be that bad, because they have a marching band. I say screw investing in this neighborhood, what we really need to do is buy property in the 6th and 5th most dangerous neighborhoods and improve those neighborhoods, so that our neighborhood can be in the top five! I guess my dreams are just a little bigger than S.P.'s. Of course, we're certain my window is bullet proof. I still don't think we've determined whether his is or not, so he's slightly more invested.
(Also, the proximity of this house to the office will work to his advantage on Saturdays when he wants to play horseshoes at lunchtime.)
Idea #2: (and I take no credit for this one, although I did discuss at length with the others)
Chicken water.
No, it's not as gross as it sounds, it's grosser. (S.P. would probably argue that I should say "more gross." But I'm the English major, so I win.)
It's a relatively simple process:
Cook chicken. De-bone. De-skin. Put in food processor until pureed. Add water. Mix/Stir. Serve.
This idea grossed out even my boyfriend--the same guy who once stirred his coffee with the handle of a lint brush he found pushed under the seat of his SUV.
Nonetheless, it worked for V-8, and I don't see why it couldn't work for us. S.P. thinks we should serve it with garlic bread, but we'll have to vote on that. We are in agreement, however, that flavors are a must: honey mustard, BBQ, southwestern...you get the point.
Idea #3:
Teeth shields
Yes, crack addiction has taken a toll on America. We all agree to that. And no one is suggesting that we support crack addicts' behavior. However, we do feel that crack addicts should not be forced to struggle throughout life with "addict-smile."
That is why we propose teeth shields for addicts. Addicts would simply insert these shields during their binge and their teeth would be protected from the negative impact of smoking crack. The shields would be fortified with Calcium to build stronger teeth and a bleaching agent to keep teeth white.
There are some expected kinks in this plan, but we feel we can work them out.
Also, I figure if the Federal Government is willing to subsidize three cell phones for homeless Jay, surely they will be willing to cover the cost of these shields for those within the income guidelines. Afterall, we'll propose, how do you expect these people to reintegrate with society with addict-smile? No one will be willing to hire them, society will not accept them, and there is little chance for recovery without adequate opportunities. I think we can make it happen.
