Do you ever wonder how in the world your life continually gets caught up in drama?
I do.
Despite my best efforts to avoid it (I will happily write an individual off in a minute), it follows me. I know a lot of people who say similar things, but I notice that they perpetuate it. I am so not one of those people. BUT it seems no matter what, if you are subjected to someone like that, and you cannot get rid of them, you get wrapped up in it.
Now I'm back to square one.
I've had to get a new web (blog) address. I've had to select a new title. I've had to make my blog private and hide my profile. It isn't that I want to do these things; I very much enjoy being able to share and inspire the world at large. But when you're dealing with people with mental illnesses (and this is not meant to be harsh, this is simply a statement of fact), you have to realize that getting through to them, no matter how many times you reiterate your point, it's simply not going to happen. And so you do what you can to protect yourself.
And this is what I have to do. Go undercover.
I am very angry that I, once again, have to censor myself, but I know it's for the best. And I know I'm going to prevail. And that people only think about me because my very existence makes them feel inferior in some manner. I guess I should simply be proud that I have the kind of life that others envy.
TaTa for now.
Pseudo-name F.
Friday, December 10
It's a Girl!
Just hours after that last post Melissa's water broke.
She began having contractions and, I'm happy to say, as of this morning, I'm an aunt (again)!
Taylor Mae and Mom are both healthy and recovering from a fairly quick labor.
(And on her due date, I might add.)
Taylor is 21.5 inches long and weighs 7lbs, 11oz. Mom promised to take lots of pics.
I thought I had embraced that I was going to miss the arrival of my new niece, but evidently I had not.
When I received the texts upon awakening, I felt bittersweet. I was excited for the arrival, but very sad to be missing it. Lea felt the same way. She was nearly crying that she couldn't be there for Melissa and, thanks to a very nasty dream, she was worried (like I) that Melissa was going to have complications during childbirth due to her heart. But all the worrying was for nothing. Our family is full of physically strong women, and Melissa is no exception.
My patience will certainly be tested over the next week, as we have to wait until Thursday to meet Taylor Mae and see Melissa. I was, however, able to send an adorable flower arrangement to let Melissa know are there in spirit.
Here's a pic:
 |
Taylor Mae Weaver, welcome to the world!
I hope you will find it to be a beautiful place full wonderful surprises and endless opportunities
Love,
Aunt Bonnie
Thursday, December 9
I'm Gonna Be an Aunt Again!
Ladies and Gents (not sure that I actually have any male followers, but nonetheless...),
Yours truly is going to be an aunt again...very soon.
Melissa is due tomorrow!
HipHipHurrah!
Mom left yesterday to be with her in Wagoner, OK. Since Melissa and Chris now have a place of their own, the additional expense of hotel rooms has been eliminated! Yayyy!
Mom got there yesterday afternoon and said the apartment is beyond "adorable."
Melissa loved the housewarming goodies I sent and the spending money so she could go and buy herself some additional things. She wanted to decorate her kitchen in apples and was able to find some dishes and wall art with apples on them--and at a thrift store, nonetheless!
If I had known she was going to be getting a place of her own, I certainly wouldn't have spent all her Christmas money on items that seem rather frivolous now.
But now I'm back on the apartment...what I want to talk about is TAYLOR MAE!
Again: She's due tomorrow and a trip to the Dr. today left Melissa feeling hopeful that it'll happen this weekend. If it doesn't, she'll be induced on Monday. I'm still a little nervous for Melissa as she had open-heart surgery as a baby, and they were worried about the effect of labor to the balloon in her heart, but after several specialist visits, they've decided a C-section isn't necessary and Melissa's a healthy, child-bearin' woman :). I wish I could be there for the delivery, but the girls have exams next week and I have sooo many Q4/end-of-yr duties that it just isn't possible.
I will be able to take Thursday and Friday off of next week, though!
No TSO but well worth the sacrifice.
(Did I mention how lucky I am to have such an amazing working environment/boss?)
And of course, there will be plenty of pics to come!
More soon.
(++)
Yours truly is going to be an aunt again...very soon.
Melissa is due tomorrow!
HipHipHurrah!
Mom left yesterday to be with her in Wagoner, OK. Since Melissa and Chris now have a place of their own, the additional expense of hotel rooms has been eliminated! Yayyy!
Mom got there yesterday afternoon and said the apartment is beyond "adorable."
Melissa loved the housewarming goodies I sent and the spending money so she could go and buy herself some additional things. She wanted to decorate her kitchen in apples and was able to find some dishes and wall art with apples on them--and at a thrift store, nonetheless!
If I had known she was going to be getting a place of her own, I certainly wouldn't have spent all her Christmas money on items that seem rather frivolous now.
But now I'm back on the apartment...what I want to talk about is TAYLOR MAE!
Again: She's due tomorrow and a trip to the Dr. today left Melissa feeling hopeful that it'll happen this weekend. If it doesn't, she'll be induced on Monday. I'm still a little nervous for Melissa as she had open-heart surgery as a baby, and they were worried about the effect of labor to the balloon in her heart, but after several specialist visits, they've decided a C-section isn't necessary and Melissa's a healthy, child-bearin' woman :). I wish I could be there for the delivery, but the girls have exams next week and I have sooo many Q4/end-of-yr duties that it just isn't possible.
I will be able to take Thursday and Friday off of next week, though!
No TSO but well worth the sacrifice.
(Did I mention how lucky I am to have such an amazing working environment/boss?)
And of course, there will be plenty of pics to come!
More soon.
(++)
[Exhales]
Sorry to my followers for the posts of the last few days.
Most of you understand the background, but for those who don't, here's it in a cinch:
Kiera's stepmom has pushed me beyond my limit.
For the last few years, she has made it her job to harass both Kiera and me constantly. She used the power of attorney she got when Kiera's dad was deployed and did things normal people would never even think about doing, let alone do. She didn't even mention these plans (any of them) to Kiera's dad--just did what she wanted and then told him after it was done.
It's easier to receive forgiveness than permission, evidently.
More recently (as she has run out of ways to harass us legally), she has made it her daily job to stalk me out using any available means necessary. She was (and I kid you not) looking at my blog up to TWENTY times in a day (and yes, I do have proof of this!) until I emailed her on Monday and asked her to stop. She was googling me constantly. She was googling people I dated. She was googling my child. She was googling my family. I was receiving emails from sites saying, "Someone's searching for you, Bonnie. It's C. Williams." It is beyond excessive--it is obsessive. Do I occasionally look at her blog? Yes. But I'm talking once/day or once/2 days. Not twenty times a day. If I'm curious as to the workings of her life it is only because my daughter hasn't seen her dad in more than ten years. I think this would inspire curiosity in anyone.
I've had to block her on facebook and myspace and have others block her because she is completely deranged. The list of things she has done to make my life hell over the past three years goes on and on and on. I won't take the time to list them all here, but suffice to say neither my daughter nor I want anything to do with her.
Until yesterday, I hadn't referenced her at all on my blog (after all, it's my page!), but after she had referenced me THREE times in blogs she put up (in very underhanded ways--ways others would not get unless they were looking for it), I finally snapped. I'm tired. I am done. I have asked you by every means available to leave me alone, yet the obsession continues.
All I want is to be left alone.
One person thinks she secretly has a crush on me. Another think she stalks me to emulate my behavior so her husband will "like" her more. And yet another thinks she's jealous of my relationship with my daughter. And another thinks she's flat out jealous of me. I don't know what it is. I don't know what inspires her. I have NEVER done a thing to her (as I mentioned in my "hate" blog). What I do know is that she is a pathological liar that will go to ANY lengths to make herself appear to be the victim in every situation. She is conniving and manipulative, cunning and deranged.
Yesterday's explosion was not at all incidental. The reaction was precisely what Catherine was hoping for. She pokes and prods and then (once you've given her the reaction she's seeking), she directs everyone she knows to look at your blog. Or she forwards your emails to them. She never mentions the three years of harassment that have lead to the blow. She never mentions that her words and actions were your inspiration. It reminds me of the kid in preschool that trips you right before the teacher comes into the room. Then, when you go to hit her back, you are the one that gets in trouble.
I'm not going to spend any more time on the subject other than to say I'm sorry to those of you wondering where the sudden hostility came from.
As you can see from my blog a couple of nights ago, I was feeling great and enjoying life. I apologize for allowing her the opportunity to dictate my emotions for the last 24 hours.
And I promise you an inspiring and uplifting blog soon.
I'm exhaling; this is going to be a joyous holiday season.
Most of you understand the background, but for those who don't, here's it in a cinch:
Kiera's stepmom has pushed me beyond my limit.
For the last few years, she has made it her job to harass both Kiera and me constantly. She used the power of attorney she got when Kiera's dad was deployed and did things normal people would never even think about doing, let alone do. She didn't even mention these plans (any of them) to Kiera's dad--just did what she wanted and then told him after it was done.
It's easier to receive forgiveness than permission, evidently.
More recently (as she has run out of ways to harass us legally), she has made it her daily job to stalk me out using any available means necessary. She was (and I kid you not) looking at my blog up to TWENTY times in a day (and yes, I do have proof of this!) until I emailed her on Monday and asked her to stop. She was googling me constantly. She was googling people I dated. She was googling my child. She was googling my family. I was receiving emails from sites saying, "Someone's searching for you, Bonnie. It's C. Williams." It is beyond excessive--it is obsessive. Do I occasionally look at her blog? Yes. But I'm talking once/day or once/2 days. Not twenty times a day. If I'm curious as to the workings of her life it is only because my daughter hasn't seen her dad in more than ten years. I think this would inspire curiosity in anyone.
I've had to block her on facebook and myspace and have others block her because she is completely deranged. The list of things she has done to make my life hell over the past three years goes on and on and on. I won't take the time to list them all here, but suffice to say neither my daughter nor I want anything to do with her.
Until yesterday, I hadn't referenced her at all on my blog (after all, it's my page!), but after she had referenced me THREE times in blogs she put up (in very underhanded ways--ways others would not get unless they were looking for it), I finally snapped. I'm tired. I am done. I have asked you by every means available to leave me alone, yet the obsession continues.
All I want is to be left alone.
One person thinks she secretly has a crush on me. Another think she stalks me to emulate my behavior so her husband will "like" her more. And yet another thinks she's jealous of my relationship with my daughter. And another thinks she's flat out jealous of me. I don't know what it is. I don't know what inspires her. I have NEVER done a thing to her (as I mentioned in my "hate" blog). What I do know is that she is a pathological liar that will go to ANY lengths to make herself appear to be the victim in every situation. She is conniving and manipulative, cunning and deranged.
Yesterday's explosion was not at all incidental. The reaction was precisely what Catherine was hoping for. She pokes and prods and then (once you've given her the reaction she's seeking), she directs everyone she knows to look at your blog. Or she forwards your emails to them. She never mentions the three years of harassment that have lead to the blow. She never mentions that her words and actions were your inspiration. It reminds me of the kid in preschool that trips you right before the teacher comes into the room. Then, when you go to hit her back, you are the one that gets in trouble.
I'm not going to spend any more time on the subject other than to say I'm sorry to those of you wondering where the sudden hostility came from.
As you can see from my blog a couple of nights ago, I was feeling great and enjoying life. I apologize for allowing her the opportunity to dictate my emotions for the last 24 hours.
And I promise you an inspiring and uplifting blog soon.
I'm exhaling; this is going to be a joyous holiday season.
Wednesday, December 8
Wednesday's Thought for the Day (Part 2)
If you don't want to feel my wrath, don't make references to me.
It's a very simple concept: leave me alone.
You will not stump me. I will prevail. I always prevail.
It's a very simple concept: leave me alone.
You will not stump me. I will prevail. I always prevail.
Wednesday's Thought for the Day
Condemning a person's use the word "hate" as needing psychiatric help when every sentiment in your body and every action you perpetrate is consumed with hate, vengeance and malice is hypocritical.
It must be a very sad life to live.
I, personally, am not afraid to use the word hate.
So congratulations, you made the short list.
I hate you.
If you died in a fiery crash, I would still attend my Christmas party tonight, play Dirty Santa and maybe even enjoy a few martinis. You know, being the lush that I am.
This isn't to say I want you dead, only that it wouldn't affect me for one second if you died.
Perhaps you should pray for my soul.
Perhaps I should seek out the recommended psychiatric help.
Not because I hate you (after all, I'm certain the feeling is mutual) but because I am woman enough to admit it rather than smile and pretend otherwise.
I think a person's true feelings are better shown in actions than words. While my words have been harsh, my actions have not. You, on the other hand, have shown, as often as possible, that you hate me, all the while pretending there is no problem and you're confused as to why you receive the reactions you receive.
Again, it must be a very sad life to live--putting on a different face for everyone, constantly in search of approval.
But I digress...
My point is that it's okay to hate people. People will do things to make you hate them. And when they do, you're entitled to your feelings. It isn't that there is a bitterness eating you up or that you're negatively impacted by the feeling, consumed with the thoughts...you can simply accept that you hate a person and move on, the same way I've accepted that I hate mayonnaise and the Hippopotamus Christmas song. I don't obsess over those things, I just embrace my hatred towards them with little to no thought.
Feelings are feelings. They cannot be reasoned with nor controlled. Accept them. It's really not that big of a deal. In fact, being honest and open about your feelings may bring a sense of calm and liberation to your psyche. [Exhales.]
You don't need help. You shouldn't feel guilty.
It is what it is.
Now wish me luck with Dirty Santa tonight.
It must be a very sad life to live.
I, personally, am not afraid to use the word hate.
So congratulations, you made the short list.
I hate you.
If you died in a fiery crash, I would still attend my Christmas party tonight, play Dirty Santa and maybe even enjoy a few martinis. You know, being the lush that I am.
This isn't to say I want you dead, only that it wouldn't affect me for one second if you died.
Perhaps you should pray for my soul.
Perhaps I should seek out the recommended psychiatric help.
Not because I hate you (after all, I'm certain the feeling is mutual) but because I am woman enough to admit it rather than smile and pretend otherwise.
I think a person's true feelings are better shown in actions than words. While my words have been harsh, my actions have not. You, on the other hand, have shown, as often as possible, that you hate me, all the while pretending there is no problem and you're confused as to why you receive the reactions you receive.
Again, it must be a very sad life to live--putting on a different face for everyone, constantly in search of approval.
But I digress...
My point is that it's okay to hate people. People will do things to make you hate them. And when they do, you're entitled to your feelings. It isn't that there is a bitterness eating you up or that you're negatively impacted by the feeling, consumed with the thoughts...you can simply accept that you hate a person and move on, the same way I've accepted that I hate mayonnaise and the Hippopotamus Christmas song. I don't obsess over those things, I just embrace my hatred towards them with little to no thought.
Feelings are feelings. They cannot be reasoned with nor controlled. Accept them. It's really not that big of a deal. In fact, being honest and open about your feelings may bring a sense of calm and liberation to your psyche. [Exhales.]
You don't need help. You shouldn't feel guilty.
It is what it is.
Now wish me luck with Dirty Santa tonight.
Tuesday, December 7
Nostalgia 101
As most of you already know, we are in the eleventh hour of Melissa's pregnancy. She and her boyfriend have just moved into their first apartment this week, so the timing couldn't be any better! I stocked up on necessities for them today: cleaning products, kitchen and bathroom supplies (including a very adorable shower curtain they will love), and some wall art.
The thought of two of them in that bare apartment brings back some fond memories of my first apartment. It's very sweet because I was so young and naive and so very (very) broke. It was an age of innocence that warms my heart when I look back on it.
It was a 2 bed/1 bath apartment in Millington, and (with my birth year forged by one digit), I was able to move in at the tender age of...seventeen. Yup, seventeen.
My kitchen was decorated in (heaven help me) cows and red/white checker print. My poor living room didn't have a solitary thing in it. There was no kitchen table, no furnishings to the spare bedroom. I had a single twin size bed and a cardboard (yes, cardboard) dresser. I remember that the first thing I bought was a set of very cheap pots and pans. And I just began collecting, adding one thing at a time until my little apartment became my home.
I was working at Taco Bell at the time and didn't make nearly enough money to afford the place, but I thought I'd have the help of a roommate when I moved in. It wasn't a week or two in that she bailed, and I realized I'd bitten off more than I could chew, so I worked HARD, 40 hours a week minimum, left school and concentrated on paying bills. I am proud to say I did all this without a dime from anyone: not my family, not the government, not a charitable organization. I prioritized and survived.
It took every bit of my paycheck to pay my rent and utility bill. I didn't have a home phone, a cell phone, cable, Internet or a car. I walked to work (even pregnant, even in the snow pregnant) and back home. I worked until I was 42 weeks pregnant, up to and including the very day they induced me. I had my daughter on a Tuesday and was back at work on Saturday, the kiddo in an infant seat in Taco Bell's management office, door propped open. Maternity leave is a luxury. Child care is a luxury. Most people don't realize that.
Even though it was a very tough time in my life, I look back on it with great fondness. I really pulled through a difficult time, sanity in check. When I tell Kiera about these early years, she is in awe of my perseverance, and I know I'm instilling some of that in her. No, I didn't make all the right choices as a teenager, but I handled the choices I did make with integrity and followed through with my head held high.
She knows defeat is not an option. No matter how hard things get, they are only temporary.
You prioritize. You survive.
You repeat as necessary.
The thought of two of them in that bare apartment brings back some fond memories of my first apartment. It's very sweet because I was so young and naive and so very (very) broke. It was an age of innocence that warms my heart when I look back on it.
It was a 2 bed/1 bath apartment in Millington, and (with my birth year forged by one digit), I was able to move in at the tender age of...seventeen. Yup, seventeen.
My kitchen was decorated in (heaven help me) cows and red/white checker print. My poor living room didn't have a solitary thing in it. There was no kitchen table, no furnishings to the spare bedroom. I had a single twin size bed and a cardboard (yes, cardboard) dresser. I remember that the first thing I bought was a set of very cheap pots and pans. And I just began collecting, adding one thing at a time until my little apartment became my home.
I was working at Taco Bell at the time and didn't make nearly enough money to afford the place, but I thought I'd have the help of a roommate when I moved in. It wasn't a week or two in that she bailed, and I realized I'd bitten off more than I could chew, so I worked HARD, 40 hours a week minimum, left school and concentrated on paying bills. I am proud to say I did all this without a dime from anyone: not my family, not the government, not a charitable organization. I prioritized and survived.
It took every bit of my paycheck to pay my rent and utility bill. I didn't have a home phone, a cell phone, cable, Internet or a car. I walked to work (even pregnant, even in the snow pregnant) and back home. I worked until I was 42 weeks pregnant, up to and including the very day they induced me. I had my daughter on a Tuesday and was back at work on Saturday, the kiddo in an infant seat in Taco Bell's management office, door propped open. Maternity leave is a luxury. Child care is a luxury. Most people don't realize that.
Even though it was a very tough time in my life, I look back on it with great fondness. I really pulled through a difficult time, sanity in check. When I tell Kiera about these early years, she is in awe of my perseverance, and I know I'm instilling some of that in her. No, I didn't make all the right choices as a teenager, but I handled the choices I did make with integrity and followed through with my head held high.
She knows defeat is not an option. No matter how hard things get, they are only temporary.
You prioritize. You survive.
You repeat as necessary.
Top Five Quotes From Tina's Birthday Dinner
5. Where's the manager? I need an initial on here!
4. My son wants a black Santa.
3. You look like a drag queen.
2. At least you wore your good thermal underware.
1. Can I get between your legs for a minute?
What a throughly entertaining evening.
Thank you, ladies!
4. My son wants a black Santa.
3. You look like a drag queen.
2. At least you wore your good thermal underware.
1. Can I get between your legs for a minute?
What a throughly entertaining evening.
Thank you, ladies!
Monday, December 6
G'morning, all
At least one person noticed a subject line posted yesterday with no accompanying blog.
Turns out that my phone, while friendly to a subject line, does not take so kindly to posting the blog, itself.
This is the second time this has happened from the phone, so I think I'll stick to the good ol' PC in the future.
With that being said, I owe you one.
More soon,
(++)
Turns out that my phone, while friendly to a subject line, does not take so kindly to posting the blog, itself.
This is the second time this has happened from the phone, so I think I'll stick to the good ol' PC in the future.
With that being said, I owe you one.
More soon,
(++)
Saturday, December 4
Friday, December 3
December is Social Butterfly Season
At the risk of seeming pretentious, I've got to say, there is nothing better than having a calendar full of events to look forward to!
I currently have tickets to Garth Brooks, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, A Christmas Carol (Theater Memphis) and The Singing Christmas Tree posted on my fridge. This does not consider the Orpheum Theater tickets I gave to a friend when I realized it was on the same night as the kiddo's Christmas Concert Dinner, nor the tickets for that.
My season looks a little something like this:
This Weekend:
Breakfast with Santa
Southaven Christmas Parade
Next Week:
Tina's Birthday Celebration
Barbara's Holiday Party
Jana's Holiday Party
Company Christmas Party
Kiera's Choral Christmas Dinner
Week of the 12th:
The Singing Christmas Tree
Vanessa's Ugly Sweater Party
Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Week of the 19th:
Garth in Nashville
Peter Pan at Playhouse
A Christmas Carol
...and this little event called Christmas
In addition to all this, the kiddo wants to have an end-of-the-year sleepover, I need to work in my annual girls' Christmas dinner/movie and the annual La Baguette trip.
Throw into this mix the fact that Melissa went to the doctor Wednesday and was told she probably wouldn't make it to her due date (the 10th), and you've got one chaotic season!
While others are spending their season in the stores, elbow to elbow with angry shoppers, fighting for the last of this season's hot item, I relish in the fact that my Christmas shopping is 100% done. My presents are wrapped and under the tree, the decorations are all up, it's easy, breezy, beautiful from here out. Aside from the Christmas cards (my boyfriend has been kind enough to agree to design), the to-do list is filled with only the things I want to do--the things I look forward to doing. I don't mind the holiday rush, but I want the rush to be on my terms.
I hope that each of you receives the kind of peace the finds you doing only the things you want to do this season.
As the saying goes, Merry Christmas.
More to come...if I can find the time. ;)
B.
(++)
One of my Christmas Favorites:
I currently have tickets to Garth Brooks, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, A Christmas Carol (Theater Memphis) and The Singing Christmas Tree posted on my fridge. This does not consider the Orpheum Theater tickets I gave to a friend when I realized it was on the same night as the kiddo's Christmas Concert Dinner, nor the tickets for that.
My season looks a little something like this:
This Weekend:
Breakfast with Santa
Southaven Christmas Parade
Next Week:
Tina's Birthday Celebration
Barbara's Holiday Party
Jana's Holiday Party
Company Christmas Party
Kiera's Choral Christmas Dinner
Week of the 12th:
The Singing Christmas Tree
Vanessa's Ugly Sweater Party
Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Week of the 19th:
Garth in Nashville
Peter Pan at Playhouse
A Christmas Carol
...and this little event called Christmas
In addition to all this, the kiddo wants to have an end-of-the-year sleepover, I need to work in my annual girls' Christmas dinner/movie and the annual La Baguette trip.
Throw into this mix the fact that Melissa went to the doctor Wednesday and was told she probably wouldn't make it to her due date (the 10th), and you've got one chaotic season!
While others are spending their season in the stores, elbow to elbow with angry shoppers, fighting for the last of this season's hot item, I relish in the fact that my Christmas shopping is 100% done. My presents are wrapped and under the tree, the decorations are all up, it's easy, breezy, beautiful from here out. Aside from the Christmas cards (my boyfriend has been kind enough to agree to design), the to-do list is filled with only the things I want to do--the things I look forward to doing. I don't mind the holiday rush, but I want the rush to be on my terms.
I hope that each of you receives the kind of peace the finds you doing only the things you want to do this season.
As the saying goes, Merry Christmas.
More to come...if I can find the time. ;)
B.
(++)
One of my Christmas Favorites:
Thursday, December 2
My thanks aren't limited to Thanksgiving
As is often heard, the best things in life aren't things.
In a little over an hour, I will be celebrating my best friend's birthday.
Right now, for just a moment, I want her to stop the madness that has become her daily routine and embrace how much she is loved and appreciated by her friends (of which she has many).
You're not my best friend now; you're my best friend ever.
Can't wait to celebrate...over martinis and fondue. ;)
In a little over an hour, I will be celebrating my best friend's birthday.
Right now, for just a moment, I want her to stop the madness that has become her daily routine and embrace how much she is loved and appreciated by her friends (of which she has many).
You're not my best friend now; you're my best friend ever.
Can't wait to celebrate...over martinis and fondue. ;)
Happy Birthday!
Wednesday, December 1
My mom loves Jib Jab - this is her creation.
Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!
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